Cat marks, yelping and natural births

So soon after I wrote about my one little stretch mark above my belly button, I realized I was wrong. That is not a stretch mark at all, but what they call the linea nigra -the brownish line that forms on your belly that all pregnant women get. I just didn't know that it would pop up above my navel. I was wondering when it would show up for me since I expected it earlier in the pregnancy and felt a little abnormal about that. Apparently, no one really knows the purpose of this linea nigra, but I suppose that it will go away once I give birth so no need to worry.

As far as real stretch marks go, I did find a few that scared me because they look like a cat scratched me on my left and right sides of my abdomen. I had to look for them, and lift my belly up to see them. I thought my eyes were deceiving me, especially since I had an 8 lb growth spurt 2 weeks prior and had no marks at all. I thought I was going to be one of those rare, lucky women. But obviously, despite my ritualistic belly rubbings of special pregnancy salve, I still got them. What makes me laugh is that I knew that the oil wouldn't work. But of course, you try to follow the advice that others give you, because maybe, just maybe, it will work. But I didn't think that my fellow Latinas (family, friends, coworkers) were right in giving me advice on how to avoid stretch marks by not scratching my inevitably itchy belly. Or that applying this magical oil every day and night would keep me away from the horror of having to wear horrific bathing suits that hide these battle scars. So now, I continue my oil ritual every day and night to try to help them from getting worse and hope that they will go away nicely by the time my baby is here. Talk about compulsions and peer pressure!

On another note, I had another appointment with my midwife last Tuesday. I gained half a pound in the last 2 weeks so I'm up to 151.5 lbs. Not bad considering I felt like I gained 10 pounds again. Overall, I'm doing well, the baby's heartbeat was good and I'm still feeling pretty good despite all the maladies folks can experience at 33 and half weeks. However, last night I decided that Baby E really doesn't like it when I lay on my right side to go to sleep. I don't know if s/he got used to me sleeping on my left side (this is what the pregnancy books told me to do), or if it's laying in a certain way that it's just uncomfortable for him/her, but the kicking is unbearable. It doesn't cease until I move back to my left side. And that, frankly, can suck big time, especially since my hip is tired of the pressure it's had on it ALL NIGHT LONG. Anyway, enough of that, but this is my biggest complaint right now.

Oh and I've begun to fear childbirth a bit more. Fritz and I attended a childbirth education class (Lamaze) at Roosevelt Hospital, where I will be giving birth. The speaker was really dynamic and although she was very supportive about the entire experience, she was also very realistic about what the birth experience could be like. That, along with my leg cramp that very morning, made me realize that maybe I won't be able to handle the pain despite my desire to do so. I want as natural a birth as possible, with no drugs, which is why I chose the birthing center within the hospital. But once that leg cramp came, I was yelping like a wimp and thought - I MIGHT NEED THIS EPIDURAL! So I am not totally ruling it out especially since one never knows what kind of experience you can have when you give birth. What I found interesting in the class is that all the women there were clear in that they wanted to deliver on the Labor and Delivery floor, with the MDs, and with LOTS of drugs. I wondered if they ever considered giving birth naturally and what made them possibly change their mind. As they spoke, I could hear them operating out of fear even though this was their first baby too and hadn't actually experienced child birth.

However, none of us are immune to fear so I don't pretend that I don't have my own. I only find that mine are in the opposite direction, or at least, of a different nature. Specifically, I don't want to lose all feeling from the waist down during delivery if I get an epidural. I want to be able to push on my own when I need to, not when the doctors tell me to because of a machine that will tell them I am having a contraction. I also want to walk around the room, scream, sing, grunt and squat if I want to until I get through it all. I don't want me or my baby to be "drugged up" or less alert in my/its first few moments of life because I took the pain medications. I don't want to be subjected to pitocin, because the epidural leads to a slowing down of the progress of the birth. (For those of you that don't know, I've been told that pitocin can increase contractions to an even more unbearable, painful point that will have you pleading for relief.) And I especially don't want to be on a hospital's cost effectiveness timeline. I want to be on my own timeline, the way nature intended it to be. So, with that, I am hopeful that everything will go smoothly and I will have an amazing birth experience with little to no intervention necessary from the MDs. Hopefully, my good pregnancy will continue and translate into a good birth.

I have 6 weeks left before I hit the 40 week mark, or Jan 20th. The nervousness hasn't quite hit me yet but I am feeling like I need to get LOTS of baby care reading done before the big birth day happens. So let me get on it, I'll post again soon..