But you don't look pregnant...

A comment I am still not used to receiving these days is that I don't look pregnant, even though I'm 19 weeks and 5 days along. I've been feeling pregnant since about 6 weeks when I found out that my body was all out of sorts so I can't really understand what they are saying.

I understand that we all assume all pregnant ladies have to have a huge baby bump. But please note, that this does not pop out at the same time for every woman. Every pregnancy is different. A pregnancy for a normal woman with a normal BMI (like me) is to gain about 5 pounds in the first trimester, and another 10 in the second trimester, and the last 10-15 in third trimester. I think I've gained about 10 pounds up until this point, and am 1/3 of the way into my 2nd trimester. So why people keep saying that I don't look pregnant, is very annoying. What am I supposed to say? Oh I'm just kidding, this sonogram is actually not mine, I just wanted to see how long I could keep the lie going. I know I am pregnant and I know that not everyone is savvy on pregnancy especially if they haven't been through it and haven't educated themselves on it, but trust me, it makes you feel bad when you hear that. It makes you feel like something is wrong with your pregnancy even though logic and that last doc appointment you had tells you there is absolutely nothing wrong.

I remember when I went to my baby cousin's baptism recently, and all of my aunts who've had many children, were happy for me, congratulated me, but then told me I don't look pregnant. Meanwhile, I had gained about 5 pounds, and was feeling all the applicable symptoms in my third month. I was sad, scared and worried that something was going to happen and this pregnancy wouldn't come to fruition. I guess they forgot about how it might have been for them.

I think that we are also very used to obesity and the outdated, dangerous idea of "eating for two." In fact, you are only supposed to eat 300 extra calories a day. That's like eating a yogurt in addition to what you normally take in, if you are of a normal, healthy weight. So when women see me they assume I'm supposed to be gigantic and fat I guess. It's interesting how body image is a consistent issue for women, and we do it to each other without even thinking about it. First, i wasn't skinny enough, so you feel less than, and now I'm not fat enough, so you feel inadequate here too.

Now that I am in this boat, I apologize to any mother I might have done this to in the past! I had no idea how it could affect your feelings which ultimately, I believe pass on to your baby.