Is it a boy or a girl?

So I am in my 20th week of pregnancy and recently had an anatomy ultrasound. I am very happy that all came out normal according to the doctor and the baby is 12 oz now, healthy for my gestational age. The doctor showed us pictures of the baby's heart chambers, kidneys, skull, spine, ribs, face, etc. It was absolutely amazing and I am shocked at how much we can see. Technology is amazing and I can only imagine what will be in a few years. This is what I want to talk about when people see me. But everybody usually has a different reaction when they see me and/or learn that I am pregnant. I have to be honest and say its getting to me.

1. "Do you know what you're having?"
2. "Is it a boy or a girl?"
3. "When do you find out what you're having?"

These are the questions I get asked over and over again. I feel like I did when I told people we were engaged. ("Do you have a date set?" "Where are you getting married?") I understand the basic premise of why people want to know this, but once I tell them we want it to be a surprise almost everyone frowns as if i'm having this baby for them and I am spoiling everything by not knowing. I remind them of what my guidance counselor recently told me about her recently born grandchildren -this is one of life's great surprises, so why ruin that? She chose not to know the sex of her grandbabies because of this.

At first, I was ambivalent about learning the gender of my baby. Then Fritz told me he didn't want to know and that sealed it for me. We were going to do this together and have this experience. I saw that it would only bring us closer. Plus, I absolutely love surprises! I've had wonderful surprises in my life and I welcome many more. For some reason, others don't agree with my sentiment. I guess this is the society we've created, that which is in love with instant gratification and knowing things in advance, just because you can. But not me, I want to savor every moment and make the suspense last.

Some friends and family want to know because they are dying to categorize what the baby will wear. I tell them that answer is easy, I don't like pink very much, so my baby will be wearing any other color if I can help it. They usually don't like that answer and continue to be perplexed and probably think I'm being difficult. But seriously, why do we feel so compelled to categorize something that is not even done developing yet? And why can't a girl wear blue or vice versa? I wear ita ll the time and it doesn't mean I'm less feminine because of it. My husband has a pink shirt and he's very cute when he wears it. Gender is fluid, not static and I resent the categorization so early already. I majored in Sociology at Wesleyan, so sue me, I've studied this topic ad nauseum.

There is also a question of, "but don't you want to be prepared?" And I tell them how I already have a ton of baby clothes, a high chair, a potty, a toddler stroller, a bassinet and a changing table, all donations out of the generosity of my anonymous neighbors and a few friends. I think I am preparing the important things, not that which can be bought later on, once my child shows me what they prefer.

What I am more concerned about is what their personality will be like and what they will be attracted to in their life. Will s/he be a good communicator? Funny? Laugh alot or be reserved? Timid or outgoing? Will they like school and learning? And then I start to think, oh boy, will I be able to teach them the importance of community service, loving other human beings and identifying with them regardless of any differences that might exist between them? Will we be able to teach them financial responsibility and the value of a dollar and hard work? Will I teach them spirituality in a way that isn't oppressive to them like it was to me? How about how to teach appreciation and humility? These are the issues that I think about these days and hope for more conversations that can help me be a good teacher to my baby.